Hub Marketing 2023: TIPTON

Hub Marketing Board members aren't the most obvious candidates for becoming part of the Flying Squad but that doesn't stop us from staging some Sweeney-styled law enforcement escapades during an afternoon tour of Tipton. Regan and Carter we ain't although the villains had better shut it and watch out...

- Coseley Station Sign -

It's Friday 24th March 2023 and ongoing industrial action by National Express West Midlands bus drivers means we are having to rein in our exploration horizons somewhat. A planned raid on Brownhills therefore gets ditched in favour of a Tipton area doorstep dash, hence Secretary WME arrives promptly for a Coseley Station stakeout at 1400 hours. A breathless Chairman soon appears on the scene, perhaps hoping for forensic clues that he once had a headful of hair, and together we scour the mean streets of Roseville on high alert for nefarious activities. To be fair, there isn't much afoot apart from encountering one Jeff Lynne lookalike who we codename 'Mr Blue Sky' whilst proceeding along Vicarage Road West. 

- The Beer with the Glow -

Our first refreshment rendezvous point is the Park Inn at Woodsetton, otherwise known as the Holden's Brewery tap. This esteemed establishment needs no introduction as its description has been circulated in WME blog dispatches several times over, other than to say that this time around it's the Woodsetton Pale Ale that gets detained in terms of liquid consumption. Partaking of the necessary pint, we confirm that said beer meets our exacting standards; it definitely hits the mark as a 4.5% classic pale brew, and Holden's are promoting it as their current seasonal creation on sale from January through until May 2023.

- A Pie Factory Performer? -

Our Park Inn exit coincides with school chucking-out time so we join a long snake of pupils heading along the A457 Sedgley Road West. Land previously occupied by Bean's Foundry is now gradually being brought back into use by Persimmon Homes as part of their Coseley New Village development, and before much longer we arrive at the Pie Factory, a legendary Black  Country boozer that also answers to the name of Mad O'Rourke's. It's absolutely criminal that we'd never graced this place on previous Hub Marketing missions so we commandeer some Lumphammer Bitter by way of setting the record straight. Sawdust-sprinkled floors, collections of cooking contraptions and imaginary pie inventions (e.g. the 'Tipton Porker') convey a unique sense of humour although D9's attempts to disguise himself as Desperate Dan fail miserably.

- D9 Destroyer's Devious Double -

Unfortunately the Chairman doesn't quite have the breadth of chin to truly pass himself off as the Dandy's cowboy hero, so we switch our attentions back to battling felony. Tipton was used as a filming location for a 1980s episode of Juliet Bravo, including Hurst Lane being part of the police chase sequence. The scene across Factory Bridge is instantly recognisable from the old footage, as indeed is the Old Bush pub. Naturally we can't resist popping inside for a swift game of darts whereby D9 Destroyer commits highway robbery care of an incredible 137 checkout - no wonder he looks so smug!!!

- The Pursuit ends at Factory Locks -

Continuing with our crime-stopping quest, the action moves to Factory Locks where Juliet Bravo's baddie ultimately found himself dunked in the canal before being apprehended. We practice our cop show catchphrases (hence the Sweeney getting its mention) but refrain from going the whole hog with any re-enactments as it doesn't do for the bald spot to get wet. No brown Allegros or classic 70s mopeds were harmed during the Hub remake either, so the only suffering is endured by our eardrums when Little Marcy squeals her way through a particularly hideous silly song selection. 

- Feline Friend in the Fountain -

With all offenders brought to book, we've just enough time left for an Owen Street swansong. The Fountain always rates highly in the Secretary's eyes thanks to its Tipton Slasher heritage and duly delivers a stonking example of Theakston's Vanilla Stout; rumour has it that Mr D9 single-handedly finished off some funeral buffet leftovers while cat mascot George might have been force-fed spring rolls at one point. I won't pretend that I'm as enamoured with Legends, the sports bar on Tipton Green precinct, but the presence of Roger Whittaker as part of their evening playlist was a pleasant surprise. Last but not least is the Noah's Ark on Wood Street for a brief dose of backstreet Banks's before the train home. Tipton consider yourself nicked!