Thursday, September 4

Chip Foundation Chronicles: KENILWORTH

The wheel of birthday fortune has clicked Nick's way again so the Chip Foundation are summoned to Warwickshire in order to celebrate this important royal happening. After visiting the likes of Stratford, Worcester, Warwick and even Dudley Zoo for similar August assignations in previous years, His Majesty's latest increase in age will be marked by a Kenilworth consultation...

- Train at Kenilworth Station -
After a 53 year gap in railway provision, Kenilworth Station reopened in April 2018 and has settled back into being an operational force. There's just one solitary platform as befits single tracked workings but it's a nicely presented facility comprising a metallic green footbridge and a sympathetically-styled booking hall that’s partially used for offices. Beware however the devious speed-humps on the car park outside, especially if you're a certain Mr Beardsmore. 

- Swan spotting at Oxpen Meadow Lake -
Nick is in charge of today's agenda and is promising us history galore. We therefore explore Abbey Fields in search of fascinating old ruins, heading downhill towards the Oxpen Meadow Lake before inspecting the abbey’s former gatehouse as partially dismantled under the orders of King Henry VIII. Kenilworth's leisure centre is in the process of being substantially rebuilt or turned into something else; either way the hoardings blocking off the site have been adapted into a street art gallery showing various animals in fancy finery - imagine dapper pheasants, ducks in tall hats and sternly superior swans. Kenilworth Abbey was originally founded as an Augustinian Priory convent that amassed much wealth and importance between 1119 and the 1530s, after which the dissolution took effect. 

- Inside St Nicholas's Church -
St Nicholas's Church meanwhile is where the young HRH once read lessons from the lectern and rang the bells (albeit possibly not with total enthusiasm). We have a mooch inside for old times sake, quietly contemplating the green-clothed altar or a family corner displaying biblical stories involving Moses and Jonah. Stunning stained glass abounds and much of what we can see today is in the Victorian Gothic style, although the building would have had earlier origins offering a place for lay worship distinguishable from the abbey. It is speculated that the church gained additional religious significance once the abbey was disbanded, evidenced by the use of reclaimed stone in creating a very fine carved Norman doorway. We have the whole place to ourselves - not a vicar in sight - so Nick tentatively poses tugging on the bell ropes where he is nearly tempted to relive his youth.

- The Belated Birthday Boy at the Abbey Field -  
Abbey Field: that near brush with campanology precedes the opening drink of the day. Our old favourite the Virgins & Castle sadly doesn't trade on Mondays but we're more interested in the Greene King place opposite anyway, the Abbey Field having been a Loch Fyne restaurant in an earlier guise. The ale choice is limited, ultimately amounting to GK IPA halves or bust, after Nick haggles about the excessive prices of lemonade and blackcurrant; having extracted our glasses from the patient barmaid, we find a large undercroft table beneath sketchings of a feather-capped medieval jouster. Perhaps Ken would look rather fetching in such a costume? While Nick attempts his usual trick of engineering a blog beer photo, the rest of us focus on the football transfer window - will Wolves sign anybody? Will they sell Jorgen Strand Larsen?

- Kenilworth Pound -
The Abbey Field made for a very refined start there and the air of exclusivity continues along Kenilworth's historic High Street. There are several lovely thatched cottages with vistas across the fields and down to the castle, recalling happy foraging moments of yore. Kenilworth Pound is an agricultural curiosity, a walled enclosure where escapee cattle would be penned awaiting collection in olden times; nowadays it makes for a pretty little garden with ivy leaf benches although it did host a warden's shelter during the war. Indeed, one of the local cricket teams was founded through close associations with the men who used to keep watch here.

- Lurking at Castle Green -
Queen & Castle: next up is what amounts to a very posh gastro-focused establishment on the fringes of Castle Green. It is almost entirely laid out for food with gleaming cutlery and bulbous wine glasses - plus a shiny fully-stocked bottle store - so it's a challenge to find a table that isn't majoring on menus. St Austell’s Proper Job beats Tribute to earn our custom for the requisite halves, then we home in on a low sofa zone below a set of pine bannisters. Curly haired dogs sniff at Nick while Stephen and Ken sink themselves into the settee, putting the green leafy look to the test. The gents toilets confirm the sense of luxury - we don't often get nice sea kelp handwash back home in Wolverhampton - while Ken notes the flirting potential to be had among the retired lunching ladies of Warwickshire. We must behave with decorum!

- Kenilworth Castle -
Sticking resolutely to his ruinous brief, Nick next leads us on a Kenilworth Castle perimeter wander, passing beside Leicester’s Gatehouse and pointing out the outer towers as the sun threatens to come out - how very obliging of it. Even though we're merely skirting around the edges, there are spectacular sights to be savoured with hints of arrowslit thin windows and a drained moat. Retracing our earlier steps near the leisure centre building site and up towards the war memorial obelisk, unanimous consensus is that it's time for a bite to eat which can only mean one thing...

- The Dictum of Kenilworth -
Dictum of Kenilworth: yes, it has to be the brand new Wetherspoons - barely a month old having launched on July 29th - where we eventually position ourselves on Table 69. Lunch of course means getting here after 2pm when the savvy discount aficionados among us can save money on afternoon deals; Ultimate Burger and Burton Bridge's Bridge Bitter are my personal picks. The dictum after which the place is named was a 1266 pact to resolve the Barons War apparently, and they certainly run with the theme for all it's worth by featuring numerous informative display panels. Kenilworth played a Royalist role in the English Civil War so some of the more secluded booths have hooped coverings and kingly portraits. Our meals arrive quickly with Nick's deformed fish being a particularly amusing talking point - does it have two tails or is something more phallic going on? 

- Kenilworth Clock Tower -
Ale Rooms: just around the corner, within the shadows of the 1906 Gothic pointed clock tower, is a Good Beer Guide 2025 entrant which is highly thought of in local CAMRA circles. This Ale Rooms is the sister outlet to the Knowle original, thus sharing the same concept down to the trademark plywood effect frontage design. Nick can track their cask options on his Real Ale Finder app so we know that Silhill Brewery's Wow is on. I'd definitely have gone with that but for the presence of Napton Lock Brewhouse and a beer called 'Goozle', served as fresh as you could wish for from a brewery I'd not ever heard of before; ales are only £3.40 a pint on Mondays so that's a bit of a bonus for the WME wallet!

- Fossato Lounge -
Fossato Lounge: where shall we try for our finale? Unintentional as it may be, I've frequented quite a few of these ‘lounges’ recently and here comes another in the chain, Fossato nimbly stepping in when the Station House is shut (despite advertising to the contrary). There are deep orange lightshades, a vast array of portraits and multitudes of mirrors to contend with. In need of a speedy half, I plump for Weston’s Cider (5.2%) while Nick braves the Birra Moretti continental-styled lager We sit on the far wall where all of those mirrors are beckoning, one end of a gallery that extends right the way upstairs and covers a wide range of artistic styles (some of them not especially flattering to the sitter). After a further transfer update, Messrs May, Beardsmore and I decamp to the station for our homeward connection, receiving a royal wave by way of farewell when HRH briefly rejoins us for the last few moments. Cheers!

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